Mirrors of Relationship
Life and relationship present us with mirrors that enable us to see who and what we really are. When you recognize moods or traits in others, you may very well be seeing them as a mirror of your own self.
You are not as separate from other beings as it appears to your perception. The "other" sentient being you perceive is an expression of the same life force that you are, you both are, in many ways, a single expression. As you can really only perceive yourself in relationship to other things and beings, the other sentient being mirrors your inner self to you in any intimate relationship.
The Power of Self Inquiry
The mirror of relationship can also be understood through inquiry into the emotional responses that others initiate in you. When direct and intensive inquiry is applied to any situation, we find that the emotion is tied to our own internal states and connected to our own issues, not those of the other.
Byron Katie wrote, "...you see who you are by seeing who you think other people are. Eventually you come to see that everything outside you is a reflection of your own thinking." Byron Katie, an apt and understanding student of the late Krishnamurti, is interpreting his words: "To look at ourselves very clearly, accurately, precisely, is only possible in the mirror of relationship; that is the only mirror we have. In the mirror of relationship you see what you are, if you allow yourself to see what you are."
Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest who worked in India for many years before his death, wrote, "If you see through yourself, you will see through everyone. Then you will love them. Otherwise you spend the whole time grappling with your wrong notions of them, with your illusions that are constantly crashing against reality."
The Tao Te Ching, a 2,500 year old book of Chinese wisdom, has a few common themes that weave throughout the 81 chapters. One of these themes is the understanding of self as seen through the emptiness of conscious awareness. The cluttered awareness of the conditioned, split mind persona often mistakes the character of the self and projects it on others.
The Tao Te Ching:
The sage has no fixed heart of her own
Those who look at her
see their own hearts
The sage lives in harmony with all below heaven
She sees everything as her own self
Gregg Braden, quoting sections of the Egyptian Desert Father, the Essenes, and the rare and obscure writings of "The Emerald Tablet of Toth" and "The Nag Hammadi Library" writes, "Today, your relationships have become your temples. You and your interactions with others have replaced the ancient structures (the temples of enlightened awareness)" And, "Relationships are your opportunity to see yourself in all ways. Each relationship mirrors a reflection of your beliefs, judgments, bias or lack thereof, as you interact with others." And, "When you find yourself reacting with a charge to the words, actions or life expression of someone else, there is a good possibility that you are experiencing a powerful opportunity to know yourself on a deep yet subtle level.
